Your ability to make them climax today, or any other day, isn’t the bar setter for where you should be resting your bedroom self-esteem. Maybe it will be one of your goals. How high of a priority one, however, only you can assess. But the TRUE measure of a successful shared moment of intimacy rests in how grateful you leave your partner for having been allowed to know your focus and attention for those few precious moments.

  • Were the words you’d spoken to them throughout the day ones that left them assured that you value their every emotion, not simply their physical reactions to sexual contact?

  • When you came into bed, was your hygiene proof that you wanted to be intimate with them?

  • Was there ample time to not feel hurried by both of you?

  • OR… if you realistically had only minutes until “real life,” was going to pull you back, had you clearly guarded those precious few minutes to the best of your abilities?

  • If you’re a couple having to use word based foreplay more than physical, or relying verbally leading your partner through self-touch arousal, did you show up with some clearly pre-thought through scripting to keep things fresh and inspired?

  • Was there joy felt by both of you throughout your exchange?

  • Were they able to feel successful in return as a partner to you, when all was said and done?

  • Did they hear your special name for them spoken?

  • Did you remember where they prefer to be touched first foreplay wise, and for how long, before moving towards any actual penetration?

  • Were you able to reassure them, that it was a joy as well as a gift to know their time and attention?

Will you be able to capture and add every single one of these into each intimate exchange? Maybe not. But odds are, emotionally, they’ll ear mark your time and draw you back together well past the memory of the climax. (Not to undermine the bliss that can add.) Your reputation in bed is never about just the orgasm.