SHOUT OUT TO:
Richard Corbett who runs the Instagram site @WheelsToWalking, as well as the FaceBook page https://www.facebook.com/Wheels2Walking/. His focus is to reach out and encourage new wheelchair users, but we find him inspirational no matter how long you’ve been a wheelie. He has earned enough of our respect to say, ALL of our communities here at ZARZAND could learn from this fellow. Seriously, he’s THAT GOOD, we love this guy.
What caught our eye this past week, was a specific article he posted, where he shared about a moment that went painfully south on him. One MANY of us can relate to. But it wasn’t his normal post. The responses flew in at a level which was profound. We’re including Richard’s original post, but also one specific reply (*by permission) from one of his followers, bringing it to your attention for one core reason: It involves a habit EACH of us as partners in relationship, can fall in to when trying to encourage our lovers on a daily ongoing basis. It’s worth a couple minutes today to read the whole exchange.
DON’T BE FOOLED. This picture is NOT a representation of how I feel today. Get ready for some real shit.
Last night was one of the most painful nights I have experienced in a long time. I was up until 4am screaming so loud that my throat hurts today. I wanted to die. That’s how bad the pain was. None of my pain relieving tricks worked. It felt like I was being tased over and over while my whole body was violently jerking every time the pain hit.
I was saying out loud over and over “please just kill me” I don’t even know who I was talking to. I just wanted some relief and death seemed like the most logical thing in the moment. To be a victim of your own body and feel completely powerless. Desperate for any kind of relief. Pain is extremely emotional and will drastically alter your mindset. Pain will fuck with you head. It’s something only a few will really understand. This went on for hours. I hardly slept at all. I’m absolutely exhausted.
When shit like this happens I just wanna deal with it on my own. Maybe it’s because as a wheelchair users I already feel like I’m in the way. I feel like I’m a burden to the people around me. As if I make their life more complicated or more restricted because they’re with me. I don’t want to burdening them any extra with my pain and suffering.
I don’t have any inspirational hope to wrap this post up with. It’s been hard enough to write because I don’t even want YOU to know about it. But here I am… telling you anyway… This is real fucking life for me and for a lot of other people too.
Maybe it will help you gain perspective on yourself, maybe it’ll help you gain perspective with your loved ones and why they act the way they do when they’re in pain.
Maybe I gotta make a change. I don’t know. I’m still so emotional about the whole thing. It’s just not fair. No one should ever have to feel this way.
Photo credit: @simonneedhamphotography