Once couples acknowledge there are truly only a few precious days left, (assuming there’s still the chance to share in some conversations) here’s a short list of final dates you can share that will mark both your hearts. *The following ideas were submitted by couples who have actually experienced them:
  • There won’t be another anniversary or birthday, so my husband and I fabricated outlandish gift exchanges. Here are some we came up with prior to his passing: ~ On our next anniversary, I was going to take you to Bermuda, where I’d rented an entire private section of beach for us to lie on and just soak up some sun. And I was arranging for a private masseuse to be available twice a day ~ On your birthday, I hired your favorite artist to come sing every single one of your favorites they do, for you in person. ~ For your 50th birthday, I was going to throw you a surprise birthday party where only you and I, and the entire cast from “Whose Line Is It Anyway,” would be there. ~ For our 25th anniversary, I was going to pay the zoo to stay open late for just the two of us, and there were going to be recliners set up in front of the polar bear & penguin exhibits so you could sit and watch them as long as you wanted. ~ Next Christmas, I was planning to ask ______ (choose their favorite celebrity) to come to the house and read your favorite Bible passages to you.
  • Even though at this point his voice had changed due to breathing restrictions, we hunted down a recording device, and recorded ourselves reading from our favorite book of poetry, and then some Bible passages. I enlarge the pages at the local printing shop because his vision was failing.. It’s nice to have something to turn to when you just need to hear the other’s voice. This was years ago, but it’s awfully nice to have now, even years down the road. I think if we’d have had Smart phones, I would have taken a dozen small clips like this.
  • We opted to stop and I took dictation on a short few notes to loved ones she knew would be marking anniversaries such as the first birthday without her, the actual day they passed circling around, etc – But, instead of something emotional, she left a handful of notes acknowledging that the day might be hard, so she wanted to leave them one more smile, and the only thing those notes contained were a couple of REALLY lame, groan worthy jokes. Because she specialized in those.
  • Bring in an inkpad, and finger/palm print on several pieces of paper your loved one. Then use a search engine down the road if you want, to locate ways to turn those prints into something small worth holding your page in a book, or locate a company that will blow it up to a large print as a piece of art. You can turn it into a tattoo for those who love permanent ink, letting your partner know that’s your intent, and that the way they touched your life will forever mark you. It’s also just nice to be able to have it as a quiet visual to touch on the days when you want to pull your loved one a little closer.
  • We took a pillow case and traced each other’s hand prints one on top of the other and then wrote happy memories we’d shared over time in fine tipped permanent ink all over the pillow case so I could go back and read those when I needed a moment to help me collect my happy thoughts again. Of course, I never wash it or lay on it, but I do leave it on my bed full time as something to hug on those rougher days.
  • My husband and I wrote specific memories on the back of photographs we had collected over our years. We did it right on the back of the pictures. I can’t tell you how precious those words are to me now. Knowing what about each moment had made it special in his mind.
  • My wife was very into Pinterest, so I surprised her by finding something I thought she’d get a kick out of. We made Aromatherapy rice bags together. I chose to get soft fluffy socks in pinks and lavenders as those were her favorites. We put my cologne in several socks full of rice, so she could have then near her at all times, and I doused my rice with one of the perfumes of hers which was my favorite. They were able to be heated up in the microwave and then placed close to her for comfort sake as her limbs grew colder over the days. The heat also releases more of the smell. They relaxed her, and that relaxed me.
  • When it was time, my partner an I opted to have him come home for hospice. We had dogs he wanted to also be near as his time was closing. He was very concerned for how they would survive his passing. They hadn’t handled his being gone during treatment well already. At our vet’s suggestion, I picked up a box dog treats, and had my partner handle every single of one them, rubbing them in his hands. That way, as the days passed after he left, they would get a treat and smell daddy on them. I do think it helped his anxiety... and theirs.
  • My wife and I always had a strong physically intimate side to our relationship, right up until the very end when it became too uncomfortable for us to cohabit one bed any longer due to her pain levels. As the time drew closer, and her strength got weaker, I did a lot of her personal care, to include sponge baths. We had the best hospice nurses, who encouraged us to speak openly and frankly about all our emotions along the process. My wife admitted she felt badly that she’d been the reason we no longer had the ability to be physically intimate, and hated the thought that, that, would be my final memory along those lines. This nurse took me aside, and offered to get some warm water in a shallow basin along with some small towels and she then gave us the room. And my wife gave me a sponge bath as I stood in as close to her as possible, ignoring the winces and obvious signs that she was feeling some discomfort when reaching out to make contact. She wept, we both did. But it was so personal and tender. THAT is the memory I hold on to now more than any other when it came to our sex life.
  • My husband always kept a change jar. Each year, around the holidays, he’d pick one person in his life and take them out for an event and dinner, using the money from this jar. I decided to ask him who were the people who over time had impacted him the most. I made a list of those contacts, and promised him I would keep his tradition alive until I ran out of names on that list. We had such a good time that morning helping him create that list. He was gone two mornings later. I have kept my promise. It’s kind of a nice way to be allowed to still talk about him now. People feel as though they shouldn’t bring him up, especially around the holidays, in case it would upset me. Quite the opposite actually. This is my favorite holiday tradition. There are only two more names on the list. When I run out, I’m going to find people myself who I felt impacted our marriage for the better, and do the same. Almost everyone keeps a change jar….