We hear it all the time, “You don’t understand, there’s no way for me to be their lover any more. We’re still together, but we aren’t lovers.”


Maybe you need to redefine what lovers means. If circumstances have changed, try letting your image of what was, or should be, do some changing too. It has to start in your head, and in your attitude, because your willingness to allow yourself to be seen as a lover directly impacts your determination to be one.


Lovers are ones who LOVE. Who extend loving gestures. Who find a way to allow those same efforts and emotions to be extended back. What that looks like varies from couple to couple, and more notably, from day-to-day, because day-to-day realities reinforce the need for that flexibility.


Sex doesn’t define you as a lover.

Touching someone a particular way physically doesn’t either.

But touching your partners heart, well there you have a definite foundation for what being a lover entails.


Lets start thinking out of the box. Who wants to be in a box any way? Start clicking some buttons on the ZARZAND site. Find yourself one thing to start with, and let that be enough. Tomorrow, you can come back and find one more.


Give it some effort. Give your partner the chance to see you’re trying to keep the ball rolling, or for some, start the ball rolling again. Don’t give up. It’s a process, not a competition. Find a way to be a lover that is tailored to you and the one you’re with.